Friday, 22 October 2010

leafy paths in my mind

'Caught some grief from a falling leaf, as she tumbled down to the dirty ground' - Counting Crows

Walking home through leafy autumnal paths… on the way home from work, by the fields near Ruxley lane, I see horses, bugs, birds, ducks, leaves, spiders, blackberries, bumps on the road.

In the mornings on the way to work I saw the same kingfisher swoop its way down the stream two days in a row. A flash of blue.
But on my way home I get my best creative thoughts, inspiration to write songs, poems and draw pictures, in my head.

I am really grateful to God for this. A friend isn't a Christian but in his spare time is writing a graphic novel. Something he had in mind to do for a long time. He finally has been on a roll with it, like he can’t put the pencil down.

He told me he feels a profound gratefulness for this time of creative release.

Today I was reflecting on my day. I'd had a bad affect on a colleague because of a sinful impatient attitude in me. This led me to reflect on past work-experiences. I used to work in a mental health day centre, five days a week.

As the only person in the premises without a severe mental health issue, throughout the day my actions must have affected the heightened fragility of those around me. What damage I may have done back then, when in a bad mood.


And I remember that when I did hit problems there, I spoke to people from outside organisations for help and advice. They told me that REALLY it was the same problems in 'normal' organisations. And there is no normal well run organisation anyway. There are always power struggles and constant battles.This annoyed me a great deal as I really wanted someone to acknowledge the severe difficulty of my circumstances and stand with me and offer support.

This aside, what occurred to me on my way home is that there is a truth behind the point my 'advisors' were trying to make.
All humans are extremely, extremely, profoundly fragile. Regardless of mental health issues, illnesses or any other difficulty of varying harshness. How we treat each other affects us massively.
And I see this as yet another philosophical reinforcement for belief in God. We are so complex and utterly dependent on something bigger holding us together in this mad world.